One of the things that I share with many other American chicks is my total disdain for Anne Hathaway. She just bugs me. She bugs you too probably, so I'm sure you relate. We don't really need to go into the many reasons why AH is annoying to watch, there's a good deal og blogspace dedicated to that already, but I will point out a few. One, Anne tries too hard; her acting is painful to watch because she wants to convince us so badly that she's s good actress. Two, she looks like a drawing of a person instead of a real person. And three, Anne seems really nervous in interviews, like she's pretending to be someone she's not.
"Awww, poor Anne," some of you say. "Why is everyone so down on that poor sweet girlie girl?"* If the aforementioned reasons don't resonate with you, I have one word for you. "Passengers." See it. Or, rather, don't. It's so terrible it might scar you for life. Good old AH really delivers in "Passengers," if by 'delivers' you mean like a pizza guy ringing your doorbell and then, when you open the door, opening the box and smashing the whole pizza right into your face. Get it?
Please tell me why Cam is spending so much time bashing AH right now? That's probably what you're asking right now, right? I'll tell you. I have come to realize that I am afflicted sometimes with what I call the AH Condition. Sounds serious, right? And medical? I assure you, it is very serious. But not so medical, unless by medical you mean when a pizza guy comes to your door and... well, you get the picture.
The AH Condition is a very hard thing to shake. Its symptoms are the very problems I have with Anne Hathaway, except it has to do with the way you write. For example: as an AH Condition sufferer I often try too hard in my writing, specifically if what I am writing is short and needs to pack a punch. I seem over-eager to sound current, hip. Also, I may sometimes write characters as cartoon-like generalizations instead of real people. lastly, and most deadly, I can get really nervous as I write, picking over every word and phrase, obsessed with looking legit.
All three of these sins are as good as a death sentence in the writing world and all three are pretty hard to stop doing once someone has become afflicted. And the AH Condition is contagious, mostly after reading writing blogs/forums or obsessing too long over what made "The Hunger Games" so good. Basically, getting too caught up in what other people are doing. Something I do too often.
Is there a cure for AH Condition? you might ask. I don't know. Yes? I have had some success, I've come up with a few tricks, for pulling back and blocking out the clamor of voices as I write. The voices that tell me that I have to deliver more, more, more. They warn me that I'm not good enough, that I'm doomed to fail, and constantly urge me to try to be like someone else so I'll be more appealing. My little tricks do a modest job at shutting those voices up for a little while. Wanna know what they are?
1. Having a Pandora station full of carefully picked songs that I identify so much with that while that station is playing I can instantly focus and get into my good writing groove. (My station- Jose Gonzales, for those who are wondering- doesn't do the trick 100% of the time, but it's almost always successful.)
2. Having enough self-control to walk away from something if I'm starting to stress too much over its marketability. Walk away for a few days and then read what you've written again. I can always spot the trying-too-hard moments immediately if I've had some space.
3. Giggling. A good giggle can punch out AH Condition like nothing else. (I am not condoning punching Anne Hathaway, by the way. Did you see her as Catwoman (I had a hard time seeing her through all the wincing I was doing)? That girl can high-kick like Billy Blanks.)
There you have it, my almost fool-proof cure for the dreaded AH Condition. There are some times, I have to admit, that I just can't kick it. And those are the times when I turn Joanna Newsom on full-blast and pretend I don't care if I ever get published.
*Please don't get all defensive and remind me that Anne was awesome as Fantine in the recent Les Mis reboot. I may or may not have cried. But admitting that would bust a hole wide open in my whole AH Condition thing, and that's just not fair.
